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Always looking out the window,
really just here.

The hard part about publishing a public journal is practicing restraint. There just has to be a rule about telling everyone about yourself; a protocol on self-indulgence; a ceiling that marks an entry as 'this is too much, delete it.'

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Promise it to the wind,
write it on water, and
hope someone will remember.

"I want to record how the world comes at me, because I think it is indicative of the way it comes at everyone." (Phillip Lopate)

Love thy neighbors,
or at least try.

One of these days I will arson my stupid neighbors to death. Nothing like a wall of flame to induce an infectious wave of panic. I've thought of poison, but there there are too many mouths to stuff it into. It's not like how it was in provinces of old, where people drank from a communal stream. My neighbors drink Coke, and tap water. No, I'm good with fire. Fire is cool.

Notwithstanding Me

The last person you want to confide in is the guy in the mirror. When you confess, he's not interested; he knows it already, whatever it is. When you confess anyway, he gets bored and shoots you accusing looks: you're being melodramatic. When you close your eyes, he's gone, but he's really there, seeing you for the sham that you are. When you turn the other cheek, you see exactly that cheek, and not the other one. When you so don't care for his approval, he can't even begin to feel sorry for you. When you do feel sorry, he magnifies your self-shame. When you approve of yourself, he grins, because by then only he is approving of you. When you're so into yourself, he mimics every move you make, and then you notice he's faking it. Living with a shadow is better: you at least don't have an image and likeness of you sneering.


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Monday, August 07, 2006
replacing the lock with sandwhiches, or just how tired i am this morning

We locked ourselves in this morning. The frontdoor lock died on us. The knob from the inside turns this way and that, but the door wouldn't budge. Dumar toyed with the lock this morning, the silver-finish one that I bought yesterday, because we had foreseen that that lock was giving in, which it did this morning, the moment Dumar touched it. Dumar is our boarder-turned-little-brother, only that he's taller than Anne and I combined. (Last night he couldn't get in and had to give me some missed calls. He was at the front door and his key was useless.) While my wife cleaned the sala, which had a mountain of mess--things we don't really need and things we do need but just not right now--Dumar fixed the lock, removing the old one, which was somewhat embedded in the door's wood, and replaced it with the new one I bought. My hands were so weak I could only hand him the handyman pliers and screwdrivers, and hold the door firmly. I still have cramps on my left leg. We are still recovering from the forced departure of our maid (see previous entry). My head is numb and my dreams are weird, meaning I am really tired. I fixed Anne and I sandwhiches for breakfast. Neither of us could cook. That means that the cats will also be eating sandwhiches. The old lock and its keys are in the trash by the way, which I have to dispose of tonight. Oh, the domesticated life.

Posted at 01:24 pm by Ayen

 



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